And That's The Way I Loved You
by betweentheraindrops
Summary: Ricky/Amy. He's marking his territory with 'she's all mine' and maybe always has been.


A/N: Based on spoilers and speculation and what my little shipper heart wants to happen to this amazing couple that I've shipped ever since he tucked her hair behind her ear in the pilot.

Honestly, that Rashley kiss was disgusting. I started this a while ago, based on my assumption that they would kiss (though I honestly wanted to be wrong). I honestly can't express my hate for Ashley right now. It's beyond my hate for Grant (which is _almost_ the equivalent to my love for Ricky & Amy).

So yeah, rant over. Thanks to anyone that read that.

Dedication: Coty. Hun, this is for you (yeah, it's _that_ fic I've been working on forever). Your arts over at fanforum make me squee.

Look out for a companion to this in the future. It'll be entitled _like shooting stars_.

_Breakin' down and comin' undone,_  
_It's a roller-coaster kinda rush._  
_And I never knew I could feel that much,_  
_And that's the way I loved you._

_.. .. .. .._

i.

They're texting during class and the look Ben gives her goes unseen as she chuckles into her sleeve. Ricky's supposed to be in P.E., running the mile no less. But she knows he's in the nurse's office, faking an illness and she loves that it's her he wants to talk to.

They're just texting random shit because he's supposed to be taking a nap in the clinic and she finished her history test early and they have honestly nothing better to do.

They'd still be doing the same thing whether they did or not.

ii.

She gets a hall pass and meets him in the cafeteria, where he's stealing an ice cream cone from the machine as the cafeteria ladies are preoccupied with restocking the vending machines. She smiles at him and gives him this look, so he obliges and steals one for her as well. His is chocolate and hers is vanilla. She smiles to herself because he totally remembered vanilla was her favourite (something he learned over the summer when they went to the carnival together with John).

iii.

It's sunny out but there are clouds threatening to appear, but they don't really care because it's nice; sitting here like this.

"So, how'd you get out of the office? The nurse just let you go?"

He shakes his head. "S'fuckin stupid. Told her I was going to the bathroom."

She nods, takes a lick of her cone. "Johnson gave me a pass for the rest of class. Said I should go to the library and review for finals."

"Fuck! When are finals?"

She snorts. "Next week."

He grunts and whips around at her to lick part of her cone.

"Hey!"

She laughs, pushing the rest of her cone into his face and he curses and pins her hands down to the table they're sitting on. She's gotten quiet and he's just looking at her, neither remembering what she just did. Their faces are literally six inches apart and he knows he could kiss her. She knows that if he does, she'll let him because she always lets him and she always will let him and that's just how they work.

He doesn't.

iv.

They skip band after school because it's pointless. They both don't do marching anymore and they're both in concert band. And it's hot out, like _really really_ hot. Ricky calls in sick and the nursery only has two kids, so they tell Amy to just take off the rest of the day. So they pick up John from the nursery and go to the park. And it's nice, watching John playing in the little sandbox. Ricky's arm goes around her shoulders and she fidgets, sudden warmth encircling her. He asks her what's wrong, the knowing look he gives her _doesn't_ make her lose all her words and have her heart beat just a little bit (okay, a lot) harder.

"Nothing."

It's true. There's absolutely _nothing_ wrong with this.

v.

They stop by the butcher shop so he can get some of his textbooks and they don't notice that someone is watching them the whole time.

They're laughing as they walk down the stairs together. He made a comment that they have matching aviators and she teased him, saying they should get red shutter shades and get a pair for John so they could all match. It wasn't that bad an idea, Ricky thought, and made a mental note to go to the dollar store after work the day after next and surprise her. She'll love it, he already knows.

They don't see Ben watching them from behind the counter and they certainly don't see him when she grabs Ricky's hand and swings it between them.

They're acting like a couple and it feels good. Too good. She lets his hand go when she catches Ben's eye.

vi.

They're in her living room, working on their English exam review (the only class besides Science that they actually have together) when her dad comes in. He walks right in front of where they're sitting on the couch, her legs are criss-crossed and her hair is in a messy ponytail and Ricky thinks she looks _hot_.

"What are you two doing?"

"What do you think we're doing? We're studying for exams," Amy says with a shrug.

"Okay, but no funny business."

"Funny business?"

"Yeah, you know, whatever you two did in New York. And bandcamp, you know what happened at bandcamp."

She rolls her eyes as Ricky smirks. "Nothing happened in New York. God, he just came to visit me and he brought John. That's it."

She exchanges a look with Ricky and he smiles because he totally kissed her at the gate in the airport when he was leaving. They haven't talked about it since.

"Alright. That's your story and you're sticking to it?"

She nods, turns her attention back to her textbook.

George exchanges a look with Ricky and it goes unnoticed, the fact that she's totally blushing right now.

viii.

They've covered nearly everything from Shakespeare to Sophocles in under an hour so they decide to take a break.

They make their way to her basement and as she gets two ping pong paddles from the top of a shelf, he checks out her ass and barely even recovers when she turns back around.

She blushes and he smirks and they start their game.

Though their game is never-ending and started way before tonight.

ix.

"It's raining," she says as she looks through her bedroom window.

He's lying on her bed, clutching her teddy bear and playfully kicking her knees with his sock covered feet.

"Stop! Stop it, I'm ticklish."

She stumbles and he grabs her from the waist. She falls onto him and smiles against his shoulder, giggling when his hand brushes her spine.

He's sitting on the edge of her bed and she sits next to him, one of her legs crossed over one of his.

He's just _so close_ that she can't think straight. All she can think is that his axe smells really good and his abs feel freaking amazing against her hand and how much she wants him to kiss her.

And he's about to. He brushes one of her bangs from her forehead and leans in.

There's a knock at the door.

"Am I interrupting something?"

x.

Amy walks into the kitchen and rolls her eyes when her dad gives her an inquisitive stare.

She warms up John's bottle in the warmer and turns around abruptly. "Oh my God, what?"

He shrugs. "You tell me. What's going on with you two?"

"Me and who?"

He gives her an amused look.

She relents. "I don't know."

"So, nothing happened in New York," he says.

She wipes the bottle free of water. "I didn't say that."

George grunts, sidles up for _the talk_. "Did you guys have sex?"

"No."

"Can I trust you not to lie to me? Hell, even Ashley and I are at odds right now."

"I don't know what's up with her. And when have I ever lied to you?"

"When you said that you'd wait until you're married to have sex."

"Come on, dad. That was over a year ago. Get over it."

"I won't get over it anytime soon and I hope you know that. Now I'll ask again, did you have sex with Ricky in New York?"

She shakes her head, ready to get the hell out of here. "No. Okay, no. We didn't have sex. He was just there to visit me and bring John. He knows that I missed him."

"Who'd you miss, Ricky or John?"

She blushes. "A little bit of both."

George smiles, glad to see Amy happy again. After the past year, she'd done a complete 180 and changed for the better. He sees now that Ben was really no good for her, spouting promises of forever and a future together based on a lie. He knows how much that had hurt her and cursed the day he chose one guy for her over the other.

"So, do you like him?"

He cringes because that's his little girl and he knows that any guy will never be enough to please him.

George knows that Ricky is an okay guy. He still hates him with a burning passion because he got his little girl pregnant, but he knows what it's like. He _was_ Ricky, you know.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I guess."

"You guess? Ames, you've got to be sure about these things. 'Cause if you and Ricky decide to," he looks at her, "be whatever you two wanna be, then you gotta know that you can't go back. It's all or nothing and I just don't want you to get hurt," he gives her another look, "again."

"Look, I don't even know if I want to be with him or if he wants to be with me."

"Did he do anything that would indicate that he wanted to be with you?"

She bites her lip. "He, uh, he kissed me."

He groans. He was really hoping she would just lie. "Ugh."

"What? Dad, you wanted to know."

"I know, I know, I just- did he try to have sex with you again? I swear to God, I'll kill him."

She holds his wrist, stopping him from leaving the kitchen. "No. It was- it was at the gate. You know, at the airport when he left."

He closes his eyes, trying to erase the image from his mind. It's no use, all he can see is Ricky's tongue down her throat and touching her in places he doesn't want to think about and George's hands ball up in fists and Amy's laugh is the only thing keeping him from absolutely losing his shit.

"Dad, calm down. It's been two weeks and it hasn't happened again."

He breathes. "Okay."

She lets his wrist go, dries her hands with a washcloth. "Oh, but it was so romantic. He was about to go through security and then turned toward me, ran with his carry-on and grabbed me by the waist-"

He groans. "Please, stop it."

"-put his other hand in my hair and kissed me until I ran out of breath. Then he said _see ya later _with that sexy voice of his and _oh_, I was just taken."

"I get it. I'll stop asking."

She laughs as he walks toward the living room. "_Oh_, the way he held me."

"Oh my fucking God, stop."

George makes his way toward the couch, haphazardly lying down as he flips her off.

He can hear her laugh all the way towards the nursery.

He sighs. At least she's happy.

xi.

"Ashley, don't make a big deal out of it," Ricky says as he puts John to sleep in his crib in the nursery.

She tousles her hair in the way she's always seen Amy do it, like it's sexy or something. "I'm not. I just- _you_ kissed me."

"Yeah, but you remember what we said, that it was fucked and to never speak of it again."

"Well maybe I can't, maybe I thought that you really liked me."

He shrugs, looks toward the door to make sure Amy isn't listening. "I was dealing with Adrian shit and you were just _there_. I'm sorry, but I never saw it like that."

"What did you see it as?"

Ricky grunts, wishes he could just take back time. It was stupid, he knows. It was reckless, he gets it. He regrets it, _oh_ how he regrets it. "I don't know. _Nothing._"

He doesn't want to be harsh, he really doesn't. But she just doesn't get it, the fact that he wants to pretend that it never happened.

"It's just- it's not nothing. You kissed me," she points out, arms crossed.

The door creaks and they hear in a strangled voice, "You what?"

xii.

She slams the kitchen door, ignoring her dad's calls from the living room.

She gets in her car, slams the steering wheel and hates herself, her sister, and the guy that broke her heart.

Her eyes are clouded with tears and she's wet from the damn rain and she's just sitting there, wallowing in her own self pity, pity she knows she brought on herself.

She _knew_ he'd do something like this. She _knew_ he'd wreck this, her heart.

So she drives away, in the pouring rain, leaves everything behind, could run away if she really wanted to.

But she doesn't. All she can think about doing is what Peyton did in One Tree Hill.

So she waits until the light she's at turns red, as well as the other lights she sees as well.

When they finally do, Amy slams her foot on the pedal and goes well over 60 miles per hour.

She gets to the end and _nothing happened_. She's still there, clad in a drenched out grey (though it's nearly black now from the rain) hoodie and feels hot and sticky against her leather interior.

She's fairly certain she's felt heartbreak before, but _clearly_ she was wrong.

xiii.

He punches a wall on his way through the kitchen and George is fuming at him and he just really needs to find Amy and apologize.

So he gets in his car, backs out of the driveway, door still open, and his fucking seat belt just won't click in its place and _oh shit_, he feels like he might've just fucked everything up.

The entire car ride he's slamming his steering wheel, which does swerve into another lane at one point, though there are no cars out this late.

Ricky's done a lot of stupid, idiotic things in his life, but he thinks that this might be the worst.

xiv.

He finds her at the corner of Bleaker and Maple, sitting in her car crying, engine on and everything.

She's _crying_ and he _hates_ himself. Seriously, he wants to kick his own ass right now.

He pulls up behind her, gets out of his car, and makes his way over to hers.

Amy doesn't notice him at first. She's crying against her steering wheel, feeling a lot like Quinn Fabray.

But then he knocks on the glass and her eyes widen, wipes away some stray tears, looks at him.

He looks horrible. She admits it, he looks _horrible_.

He's standing there in the pouring rain, eyes a little watery, his clothes completely soaked.

And she hates him. She absolutely despises him right now.

Ricky opens her door and she curses _fuck you! _and he just stands in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," she says as she pushes him away.

"I am. I'm _so_ sorry."

Amy pushes him harder and harder, swatting at his chest. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."

"I know."

When she finally gets out of her car, she pushes him one last time before walking away. Without looking back, she says, "You obviously don't. Now leave me the fuck alone."

He may look horrible and he knows he's horrible but they both know that she's _broken_.

He _broke_ her and for some reason, they both feel that it's been a long time coming.

xv.

He runs after her.

She's hard to find, blending in with the downpour and walking into the night.

But he finds her; sees as she sits in the middle of the street, hunched over, soaked.

Ricky leans down, wants so badly to take back all he's done.

He sits across from her, legs criss-crossed and nudges her knee with his own.

"Amy, I'm sorry."

She looks up, wipes away a tear though she knows it's useless. She can tell he's sincere, by the way he's treating her and the way he's not pushing any bullshit on her right now.

"It's not enough," she whispers.

Ricky takes a deep breath, knows what he's about to say is really something she won't want to hear. "Is what I did really that bad?"

She looks up at him, gives him a look. "Are you fucking with me? _Of course_ it's really bad. You kissed my sister."

Amy stands up in a huff, turns around. But he gets up quicker, walks in front her, stands in her way.

"Get out of my way," she says with her arms crossed.

He shakes his head, won't let her get away without a fight. "No."

"How could you do it? How could you kiss her and then kiss me and somehow it's no big deal?"

He shrugs. "It's just… not. I don't know. It was nothing."

Amy looks away.

"And what about you, you don't even know how you feel. You won't admit that there's something here that might've been here for a while." He gestures between them.

She fingers through her hair. "There's nothing here. Never has been." _Never will be._

"There is and you won't admit it. I wouldn't either for the longest time. Maybe I don't know how I feel either, but I do know that there's always been something."

It's true, they both know it. There are always some snippets of something on the horizon for them that never come to fruition. It's an unending battle of what they think is bad and what really is good.

And maybe they're ready to give into that.

"What do you mean you don't know how you feel?"

Ricky rolls his eyes. "Oh yeah? Then how come you won't admit it either?"

She shakes her head and walks further away. She knows he'll be following her. He always does. And when she turns her head, he is.

He stops her and grabs her elbow, water dripping onto both of them. But they don't care. It's the furthest thing from their minds.

"Look, I don't know why I do the things I do. I just know that this, us" he motions between them "could really work."

Amy takes a few steps back. She wipes at her cheeks, knowing it's a complete waste. "Then why go around kissing other people? Why _her_?"

He shakes his head, doesn't think he can win this battle. "Because- I don't know. Maybe 'cause I knew it wouldn't work out or because I knew it would like push you away or somethin'."

"Why would you want to push me away?" she shouts into the night.

He shrugs. "I don't know. 'fraid you might get too close, I guess."

"You guess? You can't just go around kissing other people if you want to be with someone else." She frowns.

"What about you? How 'bout Ben? You said you only got back with him last month just to make me go freaking insane. And yeah, it worked."

She shakes her head, walking farther away from him. "That doesn't negate the fact that you kissed my sister. You _kissed_ her. How am I supposed to get over that?"

"It was nothing, absolutely nothing. Seriously, I walked away afterwards, ashamed just 'cause it was so wrong."

She _doesn't_ crack a smile. "Well, was she good?"

"What? At kissing? No; the whole time I was thinking how wrong it was and how you'd react and I have to say, you're pretty much up to par."

Amy uncrosses her arms and looks up, soaking up the rain. "Gah, why are we so complicated? It's never easy for us. You're with Adrian when I'm with Ben and then we break up and then you kiss me and we both say we wanted to kiss each other but I get back with Ben and then you're all up in love or whatever with Adrian and then we agree that we kinda like each other and then you kiss my sister!"

"Will you stop overanalyzing everything? It was just a kiss." Christ, he's so close from being in a fucking soap opera for telling her this shit.

He wants to say that what he did is kind of what Ross did to Rachel. But no, he's not gonna admit that he's kind of obsessed with Friends at the moment. (Though he knows Rachel forgave Ross after he kissed her sister, he pulled away because it would negate any chance he had with Rachel in the future. And no, it's not lost on him that that's what he did with Ashley.)

"Just a kiss? Why should I get over it?"

She lets out a tired shrug, needs for him to be what she thought he was, someone she could trust, confide in. (Someone she could love.)

Ricky looks down, thinks what he's about to say isn't something he says very often.

"Because I love you," he practically shouts.

Her eyes widen and her heart is racing and she can't seem to find any words. She can feel her heart beating against her chest, thinks _you love me?_ and doesn't realize at the moment that maybe that's what she's been waiting for him to say.

"You, you what?"

"Well, you know. You said that you love me. I'm just sayin' that I feel the same way about you."

She shakes her head. "But I didn't mean it in that way. I meant it as like, I love you for sticking through everything with me and being there for me and John and-"

"I know that. I'm just letting you know that I feel the same way. Only you know, for real."

She looks at him, feels herself swoon the tiniest bit. But then he's slowly walking towards her and she points her finger at him, knowing he'll just find this humourous. He smirks and she loses it, fighting the urge to smile.

"You can't just tell me something like that! It has to be planned and perfect and we should be in a relationship and-"

She's waving her arms around and he smiles.

"Then let's be in a relationship."

She groans. He's impossible. "I didn't mean it like that."

Amy crosses her arms, water dropping from the sky.

He looks at her. "I'm ready Amy. You're the one that's freaking out about this."

She opens her mouth, let's out a dry laugh."I'm so not! You think you can try to one-up me when you kiss my-"

"Amy, oh my god."

"-and I have to find out while you guys are talking about-"

"Amy-"

"and you can't just tell me you love me and expect everything to be okay and-"

"Amy!"

"What?"

He takes a few more steps, reaches out and kisses her, swallowing the yelp she lets out. She's surprised, he knows. He can practically see her mind reeling then realizing what's happening and he smiles against her when she leans into him.

He's marking his territory with _she's all mine_ and maybe always has been.

There they are, kissing in the rain and all he (and she) can think is that they should've been doing this all along.

Amy's arms go around his neck, trying to be rid of any space between them. But then she comes to her senses.

She pulls away. She wants to know if she's just another Grace or Adrian or Ashley (she cringes just thinking about it). She doesn't want to just be a part of the chase, someone that'll get her heart broken.

And when she looks at him, he's a little dazed but he's looking at her like she's always wanted someone to look at her, like she's everything.

Her eyes are big, wondering and thinking and slightly stunned. "Why'd you just ki-?"

He smirks, his hand brushing away hair that's gotten in her face.

"I mean, you can't just kiss me and think everything'll be okay, 'cause that doesn't mean-"

"Amy-"

"What?"

He levels his face with hers, lips dangerously close to her own.

"Shut up." _I love you, okay?_

She lets out a little snort, plays with the zipper of his drenched hoodie, biting her lip as she does.

He grabs her hand (the one that isn't playing with his zipper) and presses his forehead to hers.

She lets out a contented little sigh.

"Okay." _I love you too._

There isn't much left to be said anyway.

_Screamin' and fightin'_  
_And kissin' in the rain,_  
_It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name;_  
_You're so in love that you act insane,_  
_And that's the way I loved you._

_.. .. .. .._

.fin.


End file.
